Since the beginning of the summer, I’ve been slowly reading my way through the Bible. I got a new bible, one of the journaling ones where you are actually encouraged to write and draw in it. I’ve got a few of those cute little quote drawings, but I mostly just wanted something I was allowed to underline and scribble on without fear of being struck down by the Bible police or something.
I found a ‘Bible-in-a-year’ reading plan, and have been going at it for a few months now. The plan I chose has you skipping around a little. Each day usually consists of a chapter or two in the Old Testament, starting from Genesis, and then a chapter or two from Psalms or the New Testament. This plan suited me because, …well, because the Old Testament is boring.
Or I thought it was.
Maybe this is just me, but I always thought the juicy stuff, the Gospel story, the inspirational fire, was going to be found from Psalms forward. Maybe this is because I’m from Alabama, and surrounded by fire-and-brimstone-breathing Southern Baptists. (No offense, y’all are fun. And you have good green beans.)
But I’ve realized that skipping forward to the New Testament is like fast-forwarding to the climax action scene of a movie. The explosions and car chase might be impressive and exciting, but you’re missing a lot of the backstory that makes it mean more on a deeper level.
I’ve also learned a LOT about Moses. Exodus, Numbers, and even now getting into Deuteronomy – Moses is all over this.
The recording I’m about to play for you was made in the Evernote voice memo function on my phone, so that will explain, and hopefully excuse, the audio quality. I had just finished my reading for the day and had these thoughts running around in my head that needed to go somewhere.
Moses had imposter syndrome. In fact, for his younger years, Moses was actually an imposter. He was raised as an Egyptian prince, even though he was really an abandoned Hebrew slave baby that just got lucky. He watched in silence for years as his people were broken by their Egyptian masters. Then, when he finally decided to do something about it, he committed murder. Not exactly an honorable or thoughtful young man. He was a fugitive and a murderer when he encountered the burning bush for the first time. His yearbook superlative was probably more like ‘Most Likely To Be Arrested’ rather than ‘Most Likely To Be Called By God To Perform Miracles’. But God did not want to hear Moses’ reasons for why he wasn’t qualified. God had plans that involved Moses, and Moses just had to get over himself.
Imposter syndrome is something that I, along with a LOT of other people, especially women, struggle with. We restrain ourselves from dreams and deny ourselves opportunities because we “aren’t trained for that,” or “will probably just mess it up.” Meanwhile God is facepalming as we pass by the blessings and chances for leadership and transformational change that He laid directly in our path. We pray to be better people, to be useful to God. Then we shy away when the chance to do so presents itself.
… Click on the Soundcloud file above or download in iTunes to hear the recording.